PI LAMBDA PHI ALUMNI ASSOCIATION BULLETIN - MAY 2004

            HEAD-RAMMING JEWISH FULLBACK, JOE BRODSKY, TO SPEAK

          Despite popular demand, the Alum. Ass. is going to have another dinner meeting.  Here is the critical information:

          (1) PLACE: Shorty’s Bar-B-Q, 2255 N.W. 87^th Avenue

          (2) DATE: Wednesday, May 19, 2004

          (3) TIME: 7:00 p.m. - Cocktails; 8:00 p.m. - Dinner

          (4) Good Advice: Eat beforehand because the PLACE is Shorty’s Bar-B-Q, 2255 N.W. 87^th Avenue

          (5) Speaker: Head-Ramming Jewish Fullback, Joe Brodsky

          (6) About Joe: Jewish Fullback; Miami Jackson High School; University of Florida; Pi Lamda Phi; All  American; Backfield Coach for Dallas Cowboys NFL Football Team to whom Emmet Smith attributes his earlier-than-desired retirement due to excessive head-ramming while a player; recent inductee into Florida Hall of Fame.

          Now here is the issue about Brodsky: Can a guy really be Jewish who made a career of ramming his head into the heads of much bigger people?  Jews don’t do that.  And, more important, how smart can a guy be who does do that...over and over and over and over again?  Sounds dumb to me and if he is that dumb can he really be Jewish?  Sure, Max Spiegelman used to ram his head into other people’s heads at Miami High, but note: Max went into a career that does not require you to be all that smart - he’s a lawyer.

          And speaking of guys who are not too smart, but who did not spend their careers ramming their heads into other people’s heads, how about Stan Newmark?  Here’s a guy who plans a dinner meeting at a place, Shorty’s Bar-B-Q, 2255 N.W. 87^th Avenue, which requires those of us who are downtown to drive west at the peak of rush hour!  Here are the pertinent statistics about that: To drive west at the peak of rush hour means that you are going to have-to leave in time to have at least two drinks to overcome the stress of having to drive west at the peak of rush hour.  This means you have to get to Shorty’s Bar-B-Q by 7:00 p.m.  Now, to get to Shorty’s Bar-B-Q by that time from Downtown, you have to leave by 4:00 p.m.  However, if you leave by 4:00 p.m., you will get to Shorty’s Bar-B-Q by 6:00 p.m., 2 hours early.  In order to have something to do in the 2-hour wait, you will have to have at least 4 drinks before the 8:00 p.m. dinner hour, thereby rendering you unfit to drive afterwards.  But you have no choice!  If you leave downtown after 4:00 p.m., you won’t get to Shorty’s Bar-B-Q until 8:00 p.m., and miss the cocktail hour you need so badly.  In other words, it is impossible to get to that particular Shorty’s Bar-B-Q on time.  This well known feature of driving in Miami is known as the Newmark Syndrome and was featured on a classic episode of The Twilight Zone.

          By the way, dear readers, please excuse me if the bulletin is not as funny as it used to be, but with Howard Stern being fined by the FCC $75,000 for every show he does, and Janet Jackson being banned in Boston (or is it the book about her that is banned?), I cannot say Shit about anything (Oh, Fuck, I said Shit).

          In case I get arrested, here are the names of lawyers NOT to call for me: Max Spiegelman, Stan Newmark.

          You realize, of course, dear readers, that it is Stan Newmark who brought this ignominy upon himself by telling me and I quote: “Don’t mention me [Newmark] in the bulletin”.

          ANNUAL LIST OF NOTABLE PI LAMS: NONE

          EDITORIAL: C’mon Alumni, let’s get on the stick.  The only prominent Alumni are judges.  Where are OUR corporate raiders?  OUR embezzling CEOs?  OUR fiduciary-breaching CFO’s?  We need greater effort to achieve the limelight through these contemporary devices.  Do better.

RSVP STAN 305-670-7826 OR ON HIS E-MAIL WHICH I DON’T KNOW SO CALL HIM UP ON THE PHONE AND ASK FOR HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS.  YOU CAN CALL HIM AT 305-670-7826.